I have to sing a certain sequence today in church. It’s Pentecost Sunday, the day we commemorate the Holy Spirit’s arrival on earth, the “birthday” of the church. My life’s journey includes entry three years ago into full communion with the Catholic Church. The hardest thing for me to adjust to was the music. In fact this sequence in the liturgy today is hard for me because it’s a chant, not really a hymn, and chant is not as easy as it looks.
Last night I was a little distraught about it. I didn’t remember I had to lead it until right before I went to bed, when I finally did practice it. Honestly, I will be asking the Holy Spirit to show up and help me during Mass today.
While getting ready this morning, I’ve just now listened to Pastor Dave Haney of Riverbend Church preach a sermon about using our spiritual gifts. I spent ten very fruitful years as a member of Riverbend back in the 1990’s when I still lived in Austin. From time to time I still like to listen to Pastor Dave preach on Sundays, and when I do, it also takes my memory back to the time I spent singing with the Riverbend Chorale, directed by Carlton Dillard.
While part of the Chorale, I learned how to sight read. I had my first experience singing in a small group ensemble, and of being a soloist during our summer show. The main thing I learned was how to be, week after week, one faithful part of a large choir. Over time, I slowly learned a priceless spiritual lesson of how not to have pride about my gifts, and how to offer them to God, for His glory.
I do, though, have a nice singing voice, at least when I don’t have allergies. And I also have a knack for harmony. With a little advanced notice, and some practice, I can sing pleasingly in front of people. I’ve never had "professional" talent or training, but I did store away singing experiences in the Riverbend Chorale for a later day when God would use them.
Fast forward to 2010, and everything I had done musically since my days at Riverbend could be related back to something I learned in the Chorale. I don’t think it would be too strong a statement to say that Carlton Dillard gave me back the dream of singing. The motto of the Chorale was, “If you can sing in the shower, you can sing in the choir.” (I wish I could get Catholics to believe that.)
So today when I heard Pastor Dave telling an anecdote about Carlton during his sermon, I listened carefully.
Pastor Dave said that Carlton Dillard is an extremely talented musician who has used his gifts brilliantly for the building up of the Body of Christ. He said Carlton showed musical ability when he was 5 years old. At that young age, Carlton came home from Sunday service one day and copied the chords his church pianist was playing on the piano. In this way his parents knew something was “up," and they knew that, yes, he was pretty much a musical prodigy.
Later, in high school, Carlton won a choir contest, a statewide contest, mind you, after having learned the music on the bus on the way. (Yikes! I was in choir in high school, and I competed in the University Interscholastic League choir contests, but I didn’t get THAT far. . .)
When Carlton attended UT his professors told him to go to New York, because they could tell he was that good, and he should become a professional musician. He refused advice saying he felt he had a call on his life to be a music minister. I am glad he followed his call, because I have personally been the beneficiary of it.
When I became Catholic in 2007 I started attending the nearest catholic church, Holy Cross, in Bertram, Texas. I began using my gifts with the tiny “choir” at Holy Cross. I tried to add my harmony to the hymns the small group was singing during Mass.
It is now 2010, and since I began singing with that small group, several people have dropped out for various reasons. (Some are taking break from the choir and may return. Others have moved or changed churches.) The fact remains, I am the sole cantor and song leader now. If I’m not there, the woman who organizes the liturgy finds another volunteer to lead the responsorial psalm, or they just don’t have a leader which means they speak the psalm instead.
Mass can go on without a cantor, although the presence of one is beneficial, especially when we sing special chants that come up during the Easter season, like the Veni Sancte Spiritus, which we are supposed to sing right before the Alleluia today.
The thing is, I’m no Carlton Dillard. I need time to practice what I'm asked to sing. Still, I can tell his gifts have benefitted me greatly, especially on a day like today when I'm not totally sure of my ability. Last night I was thinking, “OMG! I can’t do this at all.” Today, after hearing that sermon including the story about Carlton, I am thinking, “Well, if the Holy Spirit gave Carlton those gifts to use for the Body of Christ in his music ministry, then the Spirit can just do the same thing for me today." Surely the Holy Spirit, if he has called me to lead the songs, will give me the ability to do the job."
I guess it will be an opportunity to exercise my faith, and it’s not faith if we know the outcome already, right?
Still, I do believe my time at Riverbend, singing in the Chorale under Carlton's direction built a few skills and confidences that I can draw upon. I will need them today.
In any case, I thank Carlton for his example to me, and for his encouragement to all of us amateur singers. When I sang at Riverbend, I just did my little alto part every week for about 4-5 years. Today my part is different, and perhaps a little more intense. I do have to lead the singing in front of a bunch of people at mass, leading a chant that I am honestly not well prepared to lead.
I also remember how Carlton exercised his faith and ministered weekly to us in the Chorale. So I guess the bumpersticker version of what I'm saying is that through his use of his gifts, the Holy Spirit has also borne fruit in me, in ways I could not have predicted when I was singing under his direction.
I hope Carlton Dillard will read this and accept it as a giant “Thank you!” for not listening to those professors at UT.
Final Note: I was rewarded for my faithfulness in actually showing up for church to sing that Sequence, by NOT actually having to sing it. I'm happy to say that our liturgy coordinator had already arranged for someone to read it, which is a relief. But I did do my other cantoring duties, and it all turned out just fine. (There's more than one way to "skin a cat," and in this case reading the sequence was perfectly acceptable.) My goal is to sing it comfortably next year, though.
05/23/2010
